If Only In My Dreams
by murphystarr
Summary: Cass Hamada practically lived for the holiday season. She loved getting her nephews into the holiday spirit, and all the traditions that they shared together as a family. But after an explosion takes one of them away, its up to the other to help Aunt Cass rekindle her spirt. A peek into the Hamada's first Christmas without Tadashi.


This is loosely inspired by a fanart I saw on tumblr by littlehiro6 (** post/104264129657/happy-holidays-i-had-to-draw-some**), and this photoset by smallherosix (** post/105215818642/ill-be-home-for-christmas-you-can-count-on-me**).

Hope you enjoy the feels train.

whoooo whooooo

* * *

To say that she loved Christmas was a huge understatement.

Oh, no, Cass Hamada practically lived for the holiday season. As soon as the last dish from Thanksgiving was put away, she woke her nephews from their food comas and enlisted them in helping her get all the Christmas decorations out of the storage closet. She would ignore Hiro's complaints as the three untangled the all of the lights together, then braved the cold November weather with Tadashi as the two set out to string the windows of the café. She loved busting out her collection of Christmas CDs that she hoarded over the years, allowing the house fill to the brim with cheerful music.

She did everything she could to encourage her boys to match her enthusiasm. Baking and decorating Christmas cookies, decorating the house, trimming the tree, and oh god Aunt Cass not the sweaters! She went above and beyond for her customers as well. With the help from her nephews, they strung lights, set up and trimmed a tiny tree to put in the corner in the café, and whipped up Cass' famous peppermint-mocha hot chocolate that she was locally famous for. She was lovingly referred to as "Santa's favorite helper", as Ms. Matsuda had once put it.

While the Hamada brothers couldn't match their caregiver's external love for the holidays, but that didn't mean that they didn't match it on the inside. They loved the yearly traditions that their small family had. No one could forget the yearly placing of the star, and how year after year, the boys would try and figure out some new way to get it on the top of the tree. After Aunt Cass banned rockets and motor propellers a few years back, the two resolved to brute force and brawn. It usually resulted in Hiro standing on Tadashi's shoulders, fully supervised and spotted by Cass. She would shadow behind Tadashi, arms outstretched, following every sudden movement that Hiro's tiny body would make. And every year, he placed the star where it belonged without a hitch, and Aunt Cass could let out a sigh of relief, until the next time.

But every night before bed, no matter what, they would sit on the couch together, share a bowl of popcorn, and watch a Christmas movie. It didn't matter how much studying the brothers had for mid-terms or finals, or how tired Cass was from working extra shifts at the café. The promise of warm popcorn and timeless classics were something that the family held dear to their hearts. Cass treasured these little moments with her boys. With every year that went by was another reminder that they were getting older, and they would eventually be too mature for matching sweaters and watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas. But she would reassure herself whenever she saw Tadashi pinching Hiro's cheek, teasing him whenever "You're a Mean One" would play on the television. She would laugh, pinching the other side of his face, then join the older brother in singing along with the words. Hiro would argue with his family, trying to pull their fingers away and kicking his legs underneath the blankets in protest, getting popcorn everywhere.

But then May rolled around.

And Tadashi died.

Their small family became even smaller when they lowered his body to his final resting place that rainy afternoon, and Christmas was the farthest thing away from her mind. She threw herself into keeping her business alive, and trying to keep Hiro's spirits up. That entire summer he had shut himself into their, his, room, only coming out to go to the bathroom or to eat, but even then it was forcefully choked down. He only truly seemed to improve when he had immersed himself with Tadashi's circle of friends, and with one of his old inventions. Baymax, he had introduced himself as when Cass had nicked her finger against a knife when she was preparing dinner one evening.

Since that introduction, he had molded himself into the family quite nicely. He made himself useful throughout the day when Hiro was at school. Cass had taught him how to do laundry, although the first few tries weren't something that she had wanted to remember. He made Mochi happy, petting and stroking him when Cass was too busy to give the family cat the attention he demanded. It was nice having an extra pair of hands around the house, even though they were made of carbon fiber and vinyl. At least they didn't get dry when he did the mountains of dishes after Thanksgiving dinner.

Hiro had sprawled himself on the couch, legs dangling over the armrest as he digested the meal that Aunt Cass made flawlessly every year. Cass had thrown herself into her chair, letting out a long exhale as her tired feet sang in relief. They were half-focused on the Thanksgiving Parade that was playing on TV, and Cass was about to nod off before Hiro suddenly clapped his hands together.

"Alright," he reached for the remote and clicked the television off, a hint of enthusiasm in his voice. "You ready to get started?"

She blinked, trying to push away the sudden exhaustion that threatened to lull her to sleep. "For what?" she yawned, "We just finished dinner."

Hiro raised an eyebrow. "For the decorations?" He shot a thumb over to the storage closet, where the hoard of Christmas decorations were hibernating. "We bust them out when we finish dinner. Remember? We do this every year."

Cass' eyes slowly traveled to the closet, where holiday cheer and memories were pleading to be released into the Hamada household. Memories that she didn't think she was ready for yet. The brunette had completely forgotten about her enthusiasm for the holidays, how she had practically dragged her nephews along for the ride, how Tadashi would...

Tadashi.

She swallowed a lump in her throat at the thought of her deceased nephew, how he was her "right-hand elf" during her decorating binge. He had patiently listened to his aunt's plans, making sure that everything was perfect. How had climbed onto the roof every time Cass changed her mind, staying up for hours in the San Fransokyo chill until Cass' vision became an illuminated reality.

She blinked the memory away, reaching for the clicker in hopes of a distraction.

"We can get them out tomorrow." Cass gently took the remote from Hiro's hand, snapping the parade back on. "We have a while. There's no rush."

Hiro worriedly eyed his aunt, suddenly curious at her sudden change in attitude about the decorations. Last year she had literarily drug Hiro by his ankles to the closet, babbling the whole way on her plans for the lights display in the café. He watched as she curled into her chair, blinking away tryptophan as she pretended to watch the parade on TV. He sat up once he heard a familiar squeaking noise make way to the living area.

"The dishes are: complete." Baymax reported in his usual monotone voice.

Hiro grinned up at his robot companion. He sat up, pulling his upper body forward so he was sitting on the armrest of the couch. "Thanks, buddy. We really appreciate it."

"I was not programed to be a cleaning robot, but Cassandra's stress levels have: decreased significantly, since I began helping with the chores."

Hiro huffed out a chuckle and he craned his neck to face his aunt. "Y'hear that, Aunt Cass? You might be rubbing off on-"

He was surprised to see that his aunt was passed out on the chair. Her eyes were sealed shut, breathing deep and even. With a quick conformation from Baymax that she was, in fact, asleep, Hiro set to work at getting his aunt more comfortable. He covered her sleeping form with a blanket, then pulled her shoes off as Mochi hopped onto his favorite human.

"Should I scan her for illnesses?"

The sound of Baymax's computerized voice snapped Hiro out of his thoughts. A wave of his hand granted permission. With a quick glance, the healthcare robot gathered a multitude of information from the sleeping guardian.

"Scan complete," Baymax reported a second later. He displayed the results on his belly for Hiro to see. "She is perfectly healthy, however, her dopamine level is: low. This indicates that she is: sad, or depressed."

Hiro glanced down at his aunt, tuning out Baymax's recommendations for treatment. He had a pretty good idea of why his pseudo-mother was acting so strangely. It had been bothering him for the past few days as well.

"Should we administer treatment?" Baymax asked, arms outstretched in preparation for a hug.

The robot interrupted Hiro's thoughts yet again. He hummed in thought as he flicked the television off.

"Let's just let her sleep," Hiro eventually decided, watching as Baymax's arms lowered to his sides. "She's been up for a while, she'll feel better after a nap. Plus, she loves Christmas. She'll get back on track once we start decorating."

* * *

But she had put it off the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that day. She was beginning to sound like a broken record every time her nephew brought up decorating the house. "I'll get to it tomorrow. We have time, honey. Don't worry."

But Hiro wasn't buying his aunt's excuses. When December 1st had rolled around, he took matters into his own hands. After he got back from SFIT, with Baymax's assistance, he had managed to unload every box of "Christmas Magic" out of the storage closet, and arranged it into somewhat of an organized pile in the living room. He opened up a Rubbermaid tote marked "lights" from the mess, and shot Baymax a grin.

"Whaddya say, buddy? Ready to administer Aunt Cass' treatment?"

* * *

All Cass wanted in that moment was a hot bubble bath, her old sweatpants, and a glass of wine. She had closed up the café a bit later than usual, after a group of college kids came rushing in, asking if she was still making her famous hot chocolate. They had tipped her well for her trouble, even offering to help wipe down the tables for her as she prepared their drinks. She was not prepared for the sight that greeted her when she reached the top step of the staircase. Hiro was sprawled out in the middle of the floor, freshly untangled lights spread out around him. She took a step closer, seeing that all the boxes had been dragged out of the storage closet, with a good layer of dust that had gathered on the surface of each tote.

Hiro lifted his head slightly, pleased to see that his aunt had returned from downstairs. "You're back," he greeted meekly.

"Did you do all of this?" She gestured to the lights around the teenager. He responded by showing her his hands, slightly red and swollen.

"I can't feel my fingers, but I did it." He gently let his head fall back to the floor, visibly relaxing as he closed his eyes. "Just give me a minute. I'll be ready to hang them up in a while."

Cass continued staring at her nephew in complete disbelief. Had he really taken the time to untangle each strand of lights? There was at least 75 yards of lights in that box, and he had single handily managed to straighten out every single one. She knelt down beside him, cupping his face with one of her tired hands.

"I really appreciate this, Hiro, sweetie, but I'm not up to decorating today. I'm pretty tired, and-"

She was surprised to see Hiro's eyes shoot open, dodging out of the way as he abruptly sat up. "Are you serious, Aunt Cass?!" His eyes were narrowing, "What's gotten into you lately?! Seriously! You love Christmas! You love decorating for the holidays!"

She was taken aback by her nephew's sudden burst of energy. She took his face in her hand again, trying her hardest to look exhausted.

"I do, honey, I really love this time of year. But there's been more customers this time around, and-"

Hiro just rolled himself to his feet, ignoring another one of his aunt's excuses. He tuned her out as she went on promising that they'd get to decorating that weekend, maybe even getting a tree. He pulled his trainers, ignoring Aunt Cass' as he grabbed an armful of lights.

"What are you doing, Hiro?"

He glanced over at his aunt, who was starting to question her nephew's actions. He turned away from her, calling up the staircase for Baymax.

"I'm gonna go hang these up for the café," he said as Baymax came hobbling down the stairs. "The neighborhood's been wondering why the Lucky Cat's been slacking in the light department."

Before Cass could protest, the teenager and his robot disappeared down the stairs, the latter reminding Hiro to wear a winter coat "in this weather". She heard a familiar chime from downstairs, and the door closing after the two. Cass sighed, scooping an armful of Christmas lights.

Her bubble bath would have to wait.

* * *

It was a struggle to say the least, but the unlikely trio had managed to string up an impressive display of lights around the windows of the café after two long hours of work. Hiro had been quite the helper, standing on Baymax's head to reach the high points of the windows, with his aunt standing behind him in case he slipped.

Satisfied with their job, they made their way inside, taking a quick detour through the café's stock for a reward.

"I'm really surprised, Hiro," Aunt Cass said as she handed her nephew a chocolate donut. He gratefully took it, taking a bite before giving his hot chocolate another stir.

"How?"

"It's just..." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "You've really stepped up this time. I'm really grateful that you're trying to help me break my funk."

It's not just a funk, Hiro thought as he took a sip of his drink. He shook his thought away and gave Aunt Cass a smile. "Anytime, Aunt Cass."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, letting their bodies thaw with the help of the woman's famous hot chocolate. They returned upstairs, suddenly faced with Hiro's mess. He chuckled sheepishly at the look his aunt gave him, gripping his mug a little tighter.

"What do you want to do with all of this?" She asked after a while. "Put it away?"

Hiro straightened a bit. "Well..." He looked over at the time. "I thought we could decorate a bit more. We still have to string the lights downstairs."

"I meant besides that." She let out a yawn, a real one this time. "It's getting pretty late, and you have an early class tomorrow. Is Wasabi still coming to get you?"

"No," Hiro muttered, "I have to catch the bus."

"All the more reason to turn in." Cass gave his hair a soft ruffle, then bent down to his eye level. "I promise you, we'll get this done. Tomorrow, when you get back, we'll decorate the café. Alright?"

Hiro didn't believe her at all, but he gave her a soft smile. "Alright," he lied along with her. "As soon as I get back."

* * *

A crash from downstairs suddenly robbed Cass from her sleep. She lay there frozen, fearing that a burglar had made their way into her café, or her house! She crept out of bed, gripping a baseball bat that she kept underneath her bed in times like these. More than prepared to drive the sudden intruder away, she tiptoed through the living room, avoiding all the squeaky spots that the boys had discovered over the years. Adrenaline pumping against her veins, she held her breath as she began the trek down the stairs, letting her eyes adjust to the café's lights that had been turned on.

"Hiro, my sensors detect that: Cassandra is approaching."

Cass paused in mid-step, her grip on her bat weaning. That sounded a lot like...

"Baymax! Shhh! Quick! Help me get this stuff outta here!"

She hurried down the rest of the stairs, suddenly face to face with her nephew, arms preoccupied with a box. He thickly swallowed, and gave his aunt a sheepish grin.

"Hey, Aunt Cass..." He drawled.

"Hiro?! What on earth are you doing?! It's the middle of the night!"

"It is not nighttime," Baymax inputed. "The current time is: 3:57 in the morning."

"What Baymax said!" Cass threw her head back, her free hand clutching the bridge of her nose. "Do you have any idea how scared I was?! I thought there was a robber down here! I was worried you could've been kidnapped!"

"Well..." Hiro pursed his lips together, trying to find a good explanation to why he was down in the café at nearly 4 in the morning, on a school night no less. Cass suddenly grabbed her nephew's bicep, making an effort to drag him upstairs.

"You're going straight to bed, and I'll yell at you properly when we wake up later!"

Hiro wiggled out of his aunt's death grip, toppling backwards and crashing on the floor. The box's contents spilled everywhere, leaving various lights and decorations spilled around the teenager. Cass's anger rose when she finally realized what Hiro was up to. He had scrambled to his hands and knees, rushing to collect the decorations. He had gotten most of the lights back in the box when Cass erupted again.

"I can't believe you, Hiro! You gave me a heart attack for this?!" Thankfully Baymax had learned that "heart attack" was just an expression, so he stayed back, blinking at the two. "Give me one good reason why you couldn't wait until later to get this done! One good reason!"

Hiro gripped the box, fingernails digging into the cardboard. He stomped over to the nearest table, and slammed the box on the table with more force than necessary. The sudden noise shocked Cass, but her expression remained unchanged, until Hiro whipped his head to face her, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"I'll tell you why!" He all but yelled. "Because I'm tired of seeing you drag this out! That's not like you, Aunt Cass! I know that you would've gotten this done days ago! Why are you putting this off so much?!" He sucked in a deep breath, more than prepared to continue on with his rant. Cass was prepared to face his words, but surprisingly, he shakily exhaled, letting a few tears slide down his cheeks before he wiped them away. "I hate seeing you like this. It's... not you."

He allowed himself to be engulfed in a tight hug from his aunt. He half-heartily hugged back; the effort from his rant was beginning to drain him already.

"Is this about more than the decorations?" The brunette softly added.

"No," Hiro countered. "I know why you're in a 'funk'. I know why you're putting this off." He slid out of his aunt's grasp, looking her dead in the eye. "I miss Tadashi, too. It's hard."

* * *

The two made themselves comfortable at a table, each with a donut in case the urge to eat their feelings arose. Cass spilled out everything that she'd been keeping in since Thanksgiving. How it didn't feel right to celebrate the holidays while her eldest nephew was six feet under. That pulling out the ornaments that he made for her in elementary school would do nothing but hurt her heart even more. How every tradition reminded her of Tadashi, what he was missing, and that she missed him.

"I was so selfish, Hiro." Cass muttered as she sunk her teeth through her third donut. "I should've never kept myself bottled up. I'm so, so sorry."

Hiro, who had remained silent the whole time, just reached over and grabbed her hand. She gave his fingers a squeeze, and he returned the gesture.

"I'm sorry, too. I should've said something earlier, instead of letting it drag on like this. Maybe we would've been asleep by now, instead of stress eating at 4:30 in the morning." He poked at his untouched donut for emphasis.

Cass snorted, her first genuine laugh in days. Hiro grinned, then slowly let his smile fall.

"For real, though, I'm sorry that I woke you up. I was just trying to get you back in the holiday spirit. I know you would've done the same for me."

They sat in silence while Cass polished off her donut, then wiped the crumbs off her shirt. "Alright, whattya say that we finish decorating?"

Hiro perked up. "Are you serious?"

"Well," Cass stood up, making her way over to the unattended box. "The doors open in about three hours. Might as well give the customers what they want."

Hiro couldn't have smiled any wider. That was the Aunt Cass he knew.

* * *

As soon as Hiro returned from college that afternoon, Cass went along with her promise that she had made yesterday night. The two had cracked down, a CD in the player, and decorated their house that would make a catalogue green with envy. Nicknacks on every table, paper snowflakes taped to the windows, a throw rug in the bathroom… St. Nick would've been pleased.

The two Hamadas were sprawled out on the couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn while Olive the Other Reindeer played on the television. Baymax had placed himself in the middle, with Cass and Hiro leaning either side of him, making use of his warming feature. Hiro felt like he could fall asleep at any moment, his eyelids kept fluttering, threatening him with the thought of sleep. Cass eyed her tired nephew, grinning as she drank another sip of tea. She reached over and lightly tousled his hair, silently telling him that it was alright to fall asleep, he earned it. He received her message, and snuggled closer into Baymax's warmth, falling asleep within minutes.

"Your neurotransmitter levels are: elevated."

Cass glanced up at Baymax, wondering why her brain chemicals were an important matter to discuss. "And that means?" Cass questioned the robot.

"The treatment was successful."

She just shook her head, reminding her to ask Hiro what that was about later. She glanced over at the mantel, where they had put the stockings up just minutes before. Her eyes traced the embroidered socks that made out her name, Mochi's, Hiro's... and Tadashi's.


End file.
